I Loved You More Than I Should

I Loved You More Than I Should

Publishing House: Al Farabee

Publication Year: 2009

Genre: Novel

Number of Pages: 326

The novel “I Loved You More Than I Should” by Saudi author Atheer Abdullah Al Nashmi, unfolds the intricate tale of Jumana and Aziz, encapsulated by the recurring line: “Today, I sit beside you, mourning my foolish dreams… Drowning in my love for you, unable to salvage the remnants of my dreams from your wreckage.” This profound statement sets the tone for the narrative, echoing the themes of unrequited love and emotional imbalance: “I loved you more than I should, and you loved me less than I deserved!”

Al Nashmi’s story navigates the emotional landscape of a woman deeply in love with a man, yet painfully aware of the chasm between her mind and heart. Jumana’s love is boundless, willing to diminish herself for Aziz’s elevation: “I was ready to shrink so you could grow… to fail so you could succeed, to dim so you could shine…” Her love remains unappreciated, often exploited for less significant, less valuable ends. The woman’s narrative reflects a constant struggle to reconcile her intellect with the overwhelming force of her emotions and her ceaseless devotion to a man who manipulatively toys with her affections without fear or remorse.

Despite repeated disappointments and betrayals, Jumana strives to piece herself back together, hoping each new start will be different, only to realize that “new beginnings are nothing but a lie.”

The story retraces Jumana’s memories, starting from an encounter in a café abroad where she left her homeland to study. She ponders if leaving her country, which loved her, was the reason for her punishment in the form of her tumultuous relationship with Aziz. She holds a strong belief in retribution and divine justice, expecting Aziz to face consequences for his actions towards her.

An old Indian woman, without prior knowledge, eerily points out the emotional exhaustion Jumana endures because of Aziz. Her friend Haifa always reminds her that Aziz is unworthy of her love. Jumana, eventually realizing the truth in Haifa’s words, sees through Aziz’s continuous cycle of lies, betrayal, and self-denial.

Aziz, candid about his flaws, admits to being a philanderer who indulges in drinking and womanizing, yet always returns to Jumana. Jumana, enduring his hurtful actions in the name of love, finds herself in a complex equation of profound sadness and joyous laughter, solely because of Aziz.

Their relationship is a puzzle of conflicting beliefs and values. Aziz operates on the principle that the end justifies the means, while Jumana believes the means can sometimes be more important than the end. Their love story, shadowed by tragedy, reflects the emotional turmoil and complexities of a love that is both all-consuming and destructive.

“I Loved You More Than I Should” delves deep into the psyche of a woman in love, capturing her feelings, thoughts, and contradictions. Jumana’s dilemma lies in maintaining her passionate love while negating her own self-awareness of being manipulated. Ultimately, even after paying a heavy emotional price, she realizes the unlikelihood of achieving her heart’s desire.

Share This Story, Choose Your Platform!